I Just Finished a Really Emotional Chapter

Writing my manuscript has, I'll admit, brought up feelings from when I was younger in high school. As I wrote certain conversations, dialogue and scenes, I found myself reminiscing. I couldn't stop crying as I wrote one chapter in particular in which Kaelin describes the relationship she has with her best friend's mom.

You see, I too, had a great relationship with my best friend's mom. She passed away in 2015 and I think of her all the time. Between my house and my best friend's; we were always planning get togethers. Sue always welcomed us at her home; bonfires, movie nights, birthdays, or just because. I had a hard time talking with my mom about things going on in my life. Sue was always there to listen. Our conversations started with the simple things like school and friends. As I got older, I talked to her about boys, the mean girls at school and feeling like I was not enough; that I had to do something more. Be something more. She was there for me in ways my mom wasn't.

There were times I would simply drop by the house to talk to her. She always had cookies, tea, juice ... something for us to have while we sat in the living room. I remember every inch of that house and if I close my eyes I can see everything so clearly. I haven't been inside it for many years now, but I highly doubt I will ever forget it. I will never forget Sue and how she made me feel.

From the very beginning, I was a part of her family. I was an adoptive daughter. A secret sister. A best friend and a shoulder to cry on. I find myself missing those days so much, and wishing for just one more talk with Sue. One more afternoon at her house. One more movie night. One more invite to dinner.

Maybe writing this chapter was my chance to have that last conversation. Sue knew I was working on this manuscript. While I can't actually talk to her about it, my hope is that she would be proud of what I'm trying to get into the hands of youth in the community ... or anyone for that matter; who needs to hear these messages on mental illness and suicide awareness.